Textiquette

Two years ago, I took my tennis team to an away match.  I had a Motorola Razor phone at the time and I had left it on the bleachers.  The opposing coach, a good friend, absconded with my phone and, in a fit of curiosity, started plundering through my text messages.  She was shocked and appalled at what she saw and immediately judged me to be boring.  There was nary a text from anyone other than T-Mobile telling me that my bill was due.  Now, two years later, texting is a part of my life and I have become surgically attached to my cell phone.  In that time, I have learned that texting presents a unique set of challenges - as well as opportunities - that must be addressed in order to use this tool as effectively as possible.  


We text constantly.  Although every school seems to try to stop it, every student texts in class.  The other night, my family and I were at a local Mexican restaurant enjoying a family meal.  Across the aisle sat another family of four - two teenagers, mom, and dad.  They sat next to each other.  They ate from the same basket of chips.  They spoke not a word.  Each was absorbed in their cell phones, typing and occasionally grinning sheepishly to themselves.  I responded to a text from my boss at dinner one night and my wife did not speak to me for the rest of the evening.  I received a text from a student at 10:00 one night asking why he was failing my class and what he could do to improve his grade.  This was quite possibly the wrong time to have asked that question.  I have observed people texting in church.  It's a weird form of communication.  It's not like an email that can wait in your "inbox" until you get around to reading it.  There is a sense of urgency to it.  On the other hand, a text is not as urgent as, say, a telephone call that requires an immediate response AND your (more or less) undivided attention.  One can multitask and text simultaneously.  This can lead to the occasional challenge.

The language of the text is well documented and, while amusing, also provides an insight into the intellectual capacity of the texter.  I have a co-worker who constantly texts in "textese". Instead of saying goodbye,  he will proffer C U L8R.  There is nothing inherently wrong with this, other than doing to the English language what a Cuisinart does to ice cream, only with less delectable results.  The problem here is that the individual in question is a professional and is not offering casual conversation but essential business communication.  This is disturbing to me.  On the other hand, I have several friends who will frequently mis-type a word or two and send the correction in the next text.  I like that.

Texting has its own pitfalls.  Some people find it easier to have serious conversations via text.  I can understand this, to a point.  If one is uncomfortable with face-to-face conversation, texting provides an opportunity to speak one's mind without possible emotional conflict.  After all, the only way one can yell at another person when texting is to WRITE IN ALL CAPS!  Inevitably, we are usually distracted as we text.  Hence, a discussion that requires one's undivided attention can frequently have disastrous consequences.  Granted, it is helpful to have the time to mull over critical issues and then respond.  On the other hand, it is quite possible to send messages that can be misinterpreted and then you do not have the opportunity to clarify things immediately.  Some individuals are masters of the "short answer".  They send one-word responses: yes, no, ?, LoL, WTF, SMH, :).  God forbid they should have to clarify anything.  Personally, I am the master of the "excessively long" text.  I try to remove the potential for misinterpretation by being overly clear...thereby typically confusing the reader just as much in the process.  Another significant pitfall to the serious texting discussion is the fact that one cannot hear inflection or distinguish other, perhaps nonverbal, cues via text.  In other words, texting might not always be the best forum for the serious discussion.

Has this ever happened to  you?  You send a "cute" text - nothing significant, just something to make the other person smile, or to let them know you are thinking about them, whatever.  You expect a reply.  Fifteen minutes go by and...nothing.  An hour passes and again...nothing.  You begin to wonder: are they okay?  Did something happen?  Did the text go through?  Are they that busy?  Did I offend them?  Suddenly you are inside your own head.  Should you send another text?  Next thing you know, you are getting a little frustrated and perhaps even a touch on the miffed side.  This is particularly true if you  know the other individual is as surgically attached to their cell phone as you are.  You come to the realization that you have been relegated to the ranks of the unimportant.  You feel, at best, snubbed.  All this just because you were thinking of the other person.  On the other hand, and I know that this drives my parents insane, you are having a "live" conversation with someone and you get a text.  Out comes the cell phone, you read the text and, while still engaged in the first conversation, reply to the text you just received.  My parents think that I have relegated them to the ranks of the unimportant for a brief second, even though nothing could be further from the truth.

Though I am no Emily Post, I suggest that we have lost some of the "common courtesy" that we would afford other people in any other situation simply due to the impromptu nature of the medium.  Though the content of every text message varies with the personalities, moods, and preferences of the individuals involved there are still simple things we can all do to show that we respect each other.  Herewith 10 simple steps towards "Textiquette":

1. Say hello.
2. Acknowledge that you understand that the reader may well be busy and that you have no wish to bother them.
3. Never ignore someone who has taken the time to send you a message.
4. If you are sending a text to which you would like a response, say so.  You never know if the reader assumes that he or she does not need to reply.
5. Acknowledge that you have received a text.  If you do not have the time to send out a completer answer, say so.  The sender will likely understand if you need to get back with them later.
6. If a conversation becomes overly intense, or too convoluted, put the conversation on hold and try to finish the conversation when you have the opportunity to give the correspondence your undivided attention.  You might also want to consider switching to email, or possibly even speaking to the other person. 
7. If you are an avid texter, check your messages frequently, but don't pounce on texts when they come in.  It sounds silly, but scheduling time to respond to texts keeps you focused on the tasks at hand and allows you to focus your attention on responses when the time comes.
8. Do not pester someone who hasn't sent you a reply.  They may not be able to talk to you.  They may not want to communicate to you.  You may not be as important to them as you thought you were.  Take the hint.
9. Don't leave conversations hanging.  Say goodbye or otherwise indicate that your conversation has come to an end.
10. Bottom line - respect the person you are sending a message to enough to acknowledge that you may be interrupting their busy day, but also respect the person who sent you a message enough to acknowledge that you received their message.